Introspection

I’ve actually been doing a lot of self-reflection lately. Part of it comes from a strong need to write my way through this month and vent every feeling I’ve had  so far as I try to come to grips with losing a spouse. Part of it is a tendency to ask myself these sorts of questions from time to time anyway.

One of the things I’ve thought about is the relationship between myself and my avatars. I’ve only logged Ravensong into SL once since my husband passed, and it was extremely difficult for me to be in world. I hadn’t realized just how closely we had associated ourselves with our avatars, we always joked that they were us as we’d like to be, but I think the identification was much deeper.  Raven is Melony, Natureszen was Jeff, there was never a division where we’d see them as characters and ourselves as the typists controlling them. SL was our shared experience, it was ours in much the same way a favorite restaurant was ours, the park we went to most was ours, and even watching certain TV shows or listening to a particular band was our thing. I’m finding that with all of these activities, even if it is something I’ve enjoyed on my own from time to time, I am having a hard time imagining it will be possible to enjoy it without him. I am so closely tied to Raven that logging her in to explore is almost the same in my mind as considering going to a favorite RL place by myself. It just feels wrong, and lonely. (more…)

The Best and Worst


I still had a number of photos hanging around that I was going to blog around Halloween, or throughout November. A lot of them had a dark, foggy theme, with attempts at dramatic clouds, moody windlights, and a haunted feel.  Too many had my av standing alone in a misty, faded landscape, looking sort of lost. That is far too close to how I feel now: alone in the fog, completely lost. There is an emptiness when I look at them, knowing I can’t turn to my hub and say “Look! What do you think of these?” and he’d give me feedback, or tell me to post it on Flickr. Sometimes he’d tell me that he  showed my Flickr to people when he wanted to introduce them to Second Life, and he’d talk about how creative SL was, and how much we both enjoyed it, and how he thought I was such a good photographer, and to keep taking pictures. (more…)

Feeling Halloweeny

Halloween is nearly here, so it’s only fitting that Strawberry Singh meme this week is The Halloween Meme! I tried to find something costume-y to wear for the pic, but this year I haven’t really bought any outfits that are Halloween related and I can’t afford to replenish the Linden supply for at least a couple weeks, so no shopping for me. Undaunted, I used the same costume finding method I have in RL: dig in the back of the closet and see what I can put together, and add wings. I think it turned out well considering that everything except the boots and hair is from 2008-2009. (more…)

Searching for myself

eyes

Monday, meme day, and another two-parter, with questions! I love question memes. Questions are the best! I can go on for hours. You’re all thrilled, I can tell. 😀 I’ll just skip the introductory commentary and get right to it. (more…)

Best friends

The meme this week from Strawberry Singh was in two parts, the first of which I did in my previous post. Because part one of her meme was an idea from a good friend of hers, in her second option she asked if we’d like to blog about a close friend in SL as well. I usually bypass any blog challenges that ask us to talk about our closest pals in SL, not because I don’t know anyone – I count some really wonderful folks among my friends  – but because I’ve never really gotten to know anyone well enough to become close. I often regret that, but I suppose it’s an expected side effect of being too socially anxious to attempt to go beyond just exchanging greetings and small talk now and then.

So, while it’s probably cheating to count him as such for the blog meme, I think I’ll gush a bit over my husband because he’s most definitely my closest friend in SL, RL, and any other L we can think of. And I think his avatar is a cutiepie too, so I just like to share his pictures.  😀


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